Good Grief

I wrote these words at the end of March, as Grief Gratitude and Courage was taking shape.

I woke up way too early. I laid in bed with my head spinning.  It didn’t stop until the tears started.  I was going through a prayer list in my head, of what I long for in the face of this pandemic.  When I got to health care workers, the dam burst.  They willingly meet and intimately tend people carrying contagion. And in so many places they have been – or will be– poorly deployed, overwhelmed, under-protected, and working past exhaustion. They will probably die in higher numbers than the rest of us.  So I grieve for them, and for their families.  This is the second grief wave that’s hit me in the past week.  My family knows not to worry; they’re used to it.  

Good grief.  There is such a thing.  Why not become acquainted with it now? Nobody I know has yet lost a loved one, but we have lost weddings and funerals and graduations and spring vacations, and many are losing work and financial security too.  We are social animals– we are just beginning to realize the magnitude of the losses we face in social distancing, let alone isolation. All on top of losing the basic safety and daily structure of our lives that most of us have taken for granted. 

Our society does not give people permission to grieve the loss of a loved one properly, let alone the losses we are experiencing now. Don’t go there, we are taught.  Accentuate the positive.  Eliminate the negative.  I see it differently.  Go there, have a good vent or cry, and if you can help it, don’t stay there.  A good cry cuts through worry and fear and guilt and leaves me in touch with my heart.  I see the world with new eyes.  Everything a gift, not to be taken for granted.  And I am ready to reach out, well virtually mostly, to support others.

Good grief is a skill we can learn.  And grieving is easier to bear in company.  So send me an email if you want to join a Good Grief (small) Group.  I’ll facilitate.  Virtual, of course.  Sigh. Be patient as I learn the art of video/phone conferencing…